


Poison & Wine

by PearLynn



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Adult Content, Affairs, Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Lots of Angst, stuff not allowed on tumblr apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 15:17:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17046077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearLynn/pseuds/PearLynn
Summary: She was a poison he willingly consumed, he was the wine she readily drank until intoxicated. After too long, it would end them both.





	Poison & Wine

**Author's Note:**

> does anyone remember that art I drew back in 2013 with the same title? No? Probably not, honestly. It's on my deviantart page under marriedtoarmy59, if you're ready for a laugh. Well, I decided to FINALLY write the story I intended to go with it. Seriously, this story idea has been in my head for FIVE YEARS, friends.
> 
> Also, I wrote a paper about why Zutara should have been canon for my college English class. I got an A lol
> 
> Please take the time to let me know what you think and consider buying me a ko-fi to help keep funding my writing! Links to everything are on my profile!

 

* * *

It started out with a kiss.

A small thing, hidden on a shrouded balcony with the spicy scent of fire-whiskey on his hot breath as he caressed her face and pressed his lips to hers. There was no shyness, no timid pecks like when Aang kissed her. No, he was anything but hesitant when he molded their mouths together like slanted puzzle pieces. His lips were hot - tantalizingly so - and his skin seared her fingertips.

It quickly became more than that kiss, faster than she could blink away the dizzy sensation in her head from the marathon of clandestine touches he blessed upon her. It hit her hard and rough like his hands, yet plain  _right_ when he held her reverently in his arms. She would look in his eyes - his gold,  _gold_ eyes - and everything would settle into its proper place.

His kisses were a drug, a potent one at that. And she craved its sinful caress in her veins with every fleeting touch, every midnight rendezvous. She wasn't a fool, at least that's what she told herself. She knew it would never last too long, considering their circumstances. But if caving to her desires and letting herself  _live_ meant she was slowly destroying herself in the process, well Katara was just fine with that.

After all, not everyone had the chance to love the Fire Lord.

* * *

She enjoyed standing out on his balcony, especially at night. She didn't have to tell him, but he knew. Hidden by height, no one could see the Avatar's waterbender standing in the nude on the balcony that led to the Fire Lord's chambers, high in the tallest tower of the palace. No one could see her soak in the moonlight like he would his sunlight, basking in its glow and breathing in the power it gave her. He would watch her still body, transfixed on the way the moon's silvery light kissed her tan skin and dipped into her curves like she was water herself.

Zuko was so lost in her visage he didn't notice that she was aware of his staring.

This night had been no different than the ones before it: a shared look during the afternoon meeting with the other ambassadors, a fleeting touch at the recess before dinner, then separately sneaking through the halls of his home - like what they were doing was  _wrong_ and  _forbidden -_ and slipping into his room through a servant's passage to fuck on his bed. Or couch. Or the floor and over the railing of his balcony as she tried not to shout out pleasured profanities to the city below.

He still could feel her feathery touch against his shoulders when he hitched her leg over his hips and slammed into her; a juxtaposed sensation that made his throat tight and stomach flip, even after the fact.

Zuko knew she loved the risk, loved the possibilities of what they could do, even if she didn't voice it. She loved his touches, for they gave her something she could not find with the monk that she promised herself to. He gave her the warmth and understanding and satisfaction that the Avatar could not, yet she did not leave the other man's side. Zuko was aware Katara knew of his desires regarding her, specifically the ones of him holding her in public and them spending the rest of their lives together, but she chose not to address them. Katara didn't say it, but Zuko knew that she knew.

For she did not have the heart to flee the safety of the man that changed her life.

In this particular moment, however, he didn't care that they didn't say what they truly wanted. As long as he got to see her like this.

She was looking at him now, blue eyes glowing in the shadows that shrouded her silhouette, and he beckoned her to rejoin him in his bed. His body was already stirring, ready for hers once more, and he was keen to take advantage of the moon's effect on her libido.

Though the apologetic look on her face told him their escapades for the evening were finished.

"I have a meeting with Doctor Ryo early tomorrow morning to go over the new curriculum," she told him in earnest. Zuko simply nodded, as if he accepted her excuse, but then with a grin he snatched her wrist and pulled her back into the bed with him. Her soft giggle of delight was swallowed by his hungry lips, melting into a hummed moan of appreciation. When he let her go, she nuzzled her nose against his scarred cheek and kissed him softly there before standing up and quickly dressing herself in her dress and leggings.

"Would you like me to escort you back?" he asked as he sat up and willed away his residual desire.

Katara shook her head, tying her belt and sliding on her boots when she replied, "I'll be fine, love. Get some sleep. You have that meeting with the Fire Sages and Aang at lunch, and I know it will reflect poorly on you if you're falling asleep while Shyu is discussing the temples again."

"And I simply can't blame you, now can I?" he quipped, ignoring the painful way his heart lurched at the mention of her boyfriend's name.

Judging by the flinch she made hers did, as well. They chose not to say it, for it would sully what they had. But Zuko knew she wouldn't be sticking around for long. Aang was leaving to go to the South Pole soon, taking Katara with him. And Zuko would have to once more watch the love of his life fly off with hers.

If only it were more simple. If only he didn't yearn for the taste of her like a drunk would want wine. If only he had her first.

"Goodnight, Katara," he settled himself into saying as he rested his palm against the bare skin of his chest above his heart, his secret farewell gesture to her.

A fond and sad look crossed her beautiful face and she smiled at him, a smile he knew she saved for  _only_ him, and she replied in a whisper, "Goodnight, Zuko."

* * *

Every meeting was the same: discuss old news, then new subjects. Each of the Fire Nation nobles on Zuko's council were keen to please their young Fire Lord, but Katara could see them for what they truly were: bored, old men who had nothing more to do than micromanage a country that they once sought to destroy with war. Though Zuko had replaced many of the men on his father's council that had contributed to countless orders that killed thousands of people, there still was enough of the old timers that hung around who wanted to reap as many political benefits as they could.

But that's why Zuko had her around, too.

Well, her and the other ambassadors. Two from the Water Tribes, one for the Air Acolytes, and two from the Earth Kingdom. While Katara represented the Southern Water Tribe at the behest of Fire Lord Zuko himself, an older warrior from one of the respected houses in the North was at her side.

He had a son about her age that was completely besotted with her, Huruk was sure to mention plenty of times during their semi-annual get-togethers.

The two representatives from the Earth Kingdom came from Ba Sing Se and Omashu, both from houses that served their respective kings.

Aang had volunteered to sit as the representative from the Air Nomads, but as the Avatar he already had a spot at that table - an honor that had been unused for one hundred and thirty years. So Xing Ying sat in for the Acolytes, much to Katara's annoyance. Most of the time, she was vying for Aang's attention between discussions, which meant he was too occupied to notice his girlfriend and best friend making sex eyes to each other from across the table.

This meeting, however, was much different from the others. It was the end of a session, where the ambassadors would venture back to their homes for a short time and spread the news of what had been discussed during their meetings. Katara was to go back to the Southern Water Tribe with Aang, and after picking up Sokka from there they would go to Yu Dao soon after to help Aang with the autumn pilgrimage of the Air Acolytes to Yue Bay in the northern peninsula of the Earth Kingdom, where they were planning on settling down for good.

Though Katara was debating on whether or not she wanted to join him.

She glanced over at Zuko, who was deep in conversation with a nobleman who had served under General Iroh, Ulaz, about something that seemed to trouble the young Fire Lord. She was busying herself with jotting down some notes regarding the discussed taxes on imported steel, but in reality she was eavesdropping on the conversation that now included her boyfriend.

"I'm certain you understand the severity of this matter, Your Majesty."

"Though there are things that take precedence still," Zuko replied as Katara glanced over to see him looking to Aang. "How much longer until Republic City and the United Nations as a whole are ready to break ground?"

"Sokka told me they should be starting by spring," Aang replied. "Once he gets things straightened up in the South Pole he was planning on making his way up there to get started with Toph. When Katara and I go back to the South Pole to get him, I'll be sure to ask him a little more about it. The pilgrimage of the Air Acolytes is supposed to signify the new beginnings in that region, so he wanted to try and coincide the two events."

Something flashed in Zuko's eyes - quick and quiet - but Katara saw it nonetheless: jealous anger. She saw him look in her direction for a fleeting second before taking a deep breath and turning back to Ulaz. "I will consider it. Maybe some consultation with the sages will help me make up my mind."

Ulaz bowed his head in what Katara could only pinpoint as appreciation. "I hope you do accept. My daughter is a fine woman, perfect for Fire Lady."

Katara's heart stopped.

"As are many of the women that are offered to me," Zuko said with a sigh, completely disinterested. "However, as I have told you before I am not accepting any proposals for arranged marriages. This is a time of peace and as well as a time of instability. I need someone at my side as a partner that I can trust explicitly, not as an ornament or brood mare."

Katara noticed many of the other council members had looked up to listen in on the conversation.

Ulaz flushed slightly and he sputtered, "I-I meant no offense, Fire Lord Zuko, but I wanted you to  _consider_ finding a future Fire Lady. Since it has been seven years since the end of the war, many of the issues that you had insisted were more important than making an heir are nonexistent now. With the consistently growing amounts of assassinations that have occurred, we have discussed it and we all feel it may be best for you to take a step back and start looking for a wife."

Katara held her breath as Zuko huffed and looked to the rest of the table. "Have you now?"

She was sure the temperature rose about ten degrees in that split second based on the way almost every Fire Nation member of the council started to sweat. When no one answered, Zuko's eyes flickered to her and she saw that simmering anger, as well as the ever-present molten lust that made her cunt quiver in anticipation.

He quickly moistened his lower lip with the tip of his tongue before sighing and straightening up the pages in front of him. "It is not a concern of mine for the time being. But if it will ease your minds, I will discuss it with the Great Sage Shyu and get some advice from General Iroh."

Like that, the tension broke in the air and Zuko stood swiftly before announcing they were to take their recess before the banquet he was hosting later that evening. Zuko met her eyes once more, quickly again, before he swept himself out of the meeting chamber to most likely go to his office to stew.

As much as Katara wanted to go and comfort him, Aang had come over to her and put his arm around her back to lead her to his sitting room where Xing Ying was going to serve them some tea. Though Katara was a little miffed that Aang had prevented her from going to Zuko, she knew it was not her place. After all, she was the one who told him they wouldn't ever be able to be together in the way he truly wanted, and his duty required he found a spouse and had a child to serve as his heir. She couldn't give that to him.

She swallowed and sighed, then followed Aang to the place she was expected to go, not to where she wished to be.

* * *

He sighed and scrubbed his hands over his face as his door clicked shut. Great Sage Shyu was absolutely  _no_  help,  _insisting_ he would consult the Great Flames of Agni in the Lazuli Mountains before giving Zuko an idea of what the spirits had in mind.

Why did he even try talking to Shyu, knowing it would come to this?

The mythical Great Flames of Agni were what predicted the marriage between his parents, citing a prophecy that would ensure a long line of powerful rulers should they produce children together. It was the same flame that apparently predicted a Fire Nation victory in the war, so Zuko was skeptical at best.

He was also hesitant because it would mean that he would have to end what he was doing with Katara should the Fire Sages deem it that he wed someone else. He was adamant that he didn't have an arranged marriage, but at this point in time he was certain the Fire Sages wouldn't let him fight it anymore if it meant a better future for his country.

That didn't mean he wouldn't fight it as long as he could.

He glanced at the drawer to his right and his fingers drifted over to it. Inside rested the Crown of the Fire Lady, nestled in a case with a ruby and sapphire ring he made for her a year prior. It was a tedious, drawn out process that had left him with blisters and hand cramps for weeks, but it had been worth it.

An engagement ring suited for the future Fire Lady.

Someone who did not even want that role.

His attempts at convincing her to leave her boyfriend and become his had all been in vain, for she gave him the same sad look that she always did when she left his room in the dead of night.

_"The people of the world won't accept a marriage between fire and water."_

_"But they'll accept air and water?"_ _he asked incredulously, anger welling up in his veins and hissing out of his nose. "And don't give me the same schtick about him being the only airbender left so he'd have to crossbreed in order to bring back his nation. I want an honest answer for once."_

_Katara sighed and pulled herself out of his lap, taking her discarded robe with her, and she replied, "Because you're the Fire Lord. Do you think the people of the Fire Nation would accept a waterbender as their Fire Lady?"_

_"Maybe a waterbender is exactly what they need," Zuko insisted. "We will never know until we try."_

_"I can't do that to him," she stated softly, sadly. She met his gaze as she tied her belt. "Please try to understand."_

He couldn't.

So that's why he didn't stop trying.

And he wouldn't stop trying that night at the banquet, where he would let her know  _exactly_ where she belonged.

Zuko was whisked away soon after Shyu left his office to go freshen up before the banquet. As soon as he washed his face and changed into his more formal robes, he strode to the hall where the banquet was being held. The ambassadors were set to be heading home for the semi-annual month-long recess to go over what had happened during their stay in the Fire Nation, so tonight a feast was being held in their honor before they departed.

Katara would be leaving later in the week with Aang to go to the South Pole again, which he hated. This would be the fourth time she would be going back to the South Pole since they started their affair, yet this was the first time he truly  _yearned_ for her to stay in the Fire Nation with him and absolutely dreaded her inevitable departure. He knew she had her duties as the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador, but he couldn't help it.

He wanted to keep her to himself.

Throughout dinner, he tried to convey that very sentiment, meeting her dark eyes over the rim of his goblet as he drank his heavy wine. It settled in his stomach, warming him with confidence that he hoped to utilize later that night, should she come to him.

She always did when he asked, but he didn't want to presume.

He couldn't help telling her exactly what he wanted as he kept stealing glances at her. Her dress, blue and thin and hugging her womanly curves like a second skin, was making his mind dizzy with thoughts and images that he couldn't push away. His erection straining against his thigh was evidence enough, and he wanted her to know.

When the band started playing music acceptable for dancing, the guests rose from their seats and started to mingle. Aang had quickly swept Katara away for a dance, and Zuko was polite enough to keep conversation with Huruk of the Northern Water Tribe while he waited.

It wasn't until Katara came over to them, breathless in a way that reminded him of the last time he fucked her from behind, and she grinned at both men.

"Wonderful party, Fire Lord Zuko," she claimed as she met his eyes. The simmering blue told him of her burgeoning intoxication.

"Indeed it is," he replied evenly before turning to Huruk. "Excuse me, Ambassador. I'd like to have a dance with my friend."

"Of course, Your Majesty," Huruk stated with a slight bow. If he knew or suspected anything, he did not show it. In fact, he grinned at Katara like Hakoda would and ducked away to go speak with Chun, one of the Earth Kingdom ambassadors. Once he was out of earshot, Katara smiled up at Zuko and he offered his hand to her.

He guided her to the dance floor and the music slowed just enough for them to embrace and sway with the beat. Aang was off trying to impress some of the noblemen near an ice sculpture he was currently bending, Zuko noticed, and not many eyes were on them as they moved with the music. Zuko took this opportunity to let his hand spread on the small of her back and press her a little closer to him.

The erection that was starting to strain against the fabric wasn't motive for their close proximity at all.

Her gasp was low, as was the soft moan that followed it. She glanced up and met his eyes as he smirked and his hand squeezed hers a little tighter.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asked, genuine in his tone as he was in his smile.

"Clearly not as much as you," she quipped back as she subtly rolled her hip against him again.

He stifled the groan that lodged itself in his throat and he could  _feel_  her gaze simmering on him. If all of these people weren't here, if she wasn't Aang's, if he was a different man, he would have captured her lips right then and there. He would declare his love and devotion to her shining heart and shout her praises off of the highest volcano. He would hold her close and never let her go.

But he couldn't do that.

She wasn't his. And as much as he knew he felt  _that_ way for her, he couldn't. But he knew he always would.

"Are you looking forward to going back to the South Pole?"

Katara hummed and let him spin her once before settling close to his chest. "I suppose. Though, I'll miss the warmth of the Fire Nation. Ever since I first came here, I haven't quite been able to deal with the cold as well as I used to."

Zuko didn't miss the meaning behind her words. "You're always welcome here."

_I want you to stay._

"You know I won't overstay my welcome," she replied in her soft voice.

_I wish I could._

Zuko rubbed his thumb once against the dimple in her back and sighed, "I know."

_I won't force you._

Katara giggled lightly and pressed herself just a little closer to him. "But I will let you know if I need a weekend on Ember Island."

_I will stay with you tonight._

Zuko turned them again and dipped her down, his face dangerously close to her cleavage as he did, and he smirked at the flushed look on her face as he pulled her back up and spun her again. After she settled against his chest once more, she rolled her hips slightly against his and he felt his cock jump in anticipation.

There were too many eyes here. He needed her now.

"Do you want to get some fresh air?" he asked her suddenly. Her cheeks flushed and she nodded before they separated and walked out of the dining hall to make their way to one of the balconies that were hidden by sets of curtains. There, shrouded in shadows and segregated from the party, he would take what was his.

* * *

She was a fool.

A stubborn, drunk fool.

Zuko was kissing her neck, his hands roaming the span of her torso, and she was spinning. She was holding onto  _something,_ begging him for more in hushed whispers that were lost to the wind and behind the murmurs of the crowd on the other side of the curtains that hid away this balcony. All it would take was someone stepping out for fresh air - like they had used as their guise - and their affair would be exposed.

But, for some foolish reason, she didn't care.

Zuko's hot breath was in her ear now, he was panting in time with the way his hips rubbed against hers. "I can't wait anymore."

"But-" she bit out a keen as he plucked her nipple through the thin fabric of her fancy Water Tribe-styled dress. " _Zuko!_  The party!"

"Fuck the party," he growled against her throat. Another kiss and bite on her collarbone. "I want you  _now._ "

Katara quivered at the intensity in his voice and was about to succumb to his desires and let him sneak her off to his bedroom so he could fuck her into oblivion, but a certain voice cut into their heated caresses like an arctic wind.

"Katara?"

They both froze.

"Zuko! Where did you guys go?"

Aang's voice stabbed her like a knife, jerking her away from Zuko's urgent touch, and she met the eyes of her lover. Frozen still, they both were. It was either get discovered and ruin  _everything_ that they had been working towards for the past seven years, or scramble and make it appear they were just talking and not about to have sex out in the open.

Quickly, they both righted themselves - smoothing out disheveled clothing and hair and hustling towards the railing where they were more easily seen - and Katara cleared her throat in an attempt to calm herself down before Aang came out to the balcony.

Though it was clear Zuko was having a  _harder_ time with taming his erection under his robes. Clasped hands in front of his lap was all he could do before they were joined by her boyfriend. She could only hope the redness on her neck and cheeks could be attributed to the wine and dancing and not Zuko's lips and teeth.

Not a second after Zuko tucked an errant piece of her hair behind her ear, Aang pushed the curtains to the side, the light from the hall spilling into their private moment, and he strode towards her, the light in his eyes brightening at the sight of her and his best friend. "There you are! Getting some fresh air?"

Katara met Zuko's eyes, those dark eyes that looked like molten honey when he stared at her, and she swallowed nervously before nodding and sliding her arm around Aang's waist as he slung his over her shoulders. "Yes, we were, sweetie. It was getting a little too hot in there."

"It must have," Aang commented as he looked at her with concern. "Both of you are flushed!"

Zuko coughed out a laugh, causing Aang to look at him questionably. "Or too much drink. I think I'm going to retire for the night."

"You sure?" Aang's arm slid down her shoulders and his hand rested on the small of her back. She tried not to move away, for his cooler hand was stealing the warmth Zuko had pressed there just moments ago. "You'd be the first one leaving."

Zuko shrugged noncommittally and replied, "That just means everyone else is allowed to leave, too. I'm sure they'll be thanking me in the morning."

When he met her eyes again, she knew what that look meant:  _meet me tonight,_ it demanded. All sex and confidence that she would certainly show up and let him ravish her like she deserved. With a bow and murmured good-byes, Zuko strode out of the balcony and back towards the party, where she expected him to bid his farewells to the people who were expected to receive them.

And then he would be waiting for her.

A slight touch on her cheek broke her thoughts and Katara blinked furiously before meeting Aang's eyes. The color reminded her of clouds before a storm, but their softness spoke of no sort of feelings. In fact, he was gazing at her with love and wonder and what she could pinpoint as close to lust. It did not stir her like Zuko's similar gaze would.

"Why don't we head in for the night, too?" he said softly as he dragged his thumb down to her chin. "I can walk you to your room? And we can... talk?"

The suggestiveness in his tone told her what he didn't say, but the wetness between her thighs was not his doing. A man with stars as his eyes did, and he was waiting for her to commit more sins with him tonight. To betray her partner, his best friend, and consume the poison of their love over and over until they were drunk on each other and their lives were spent.

With a quick smile, Katara shook her head and said, "I think I'm going to stay out here for a little longer and enjoy the warm air while I can. You can go ahead and turn in for the night if you're feeling tired."

A cross look formed on his face - maturing so much lately, how could she have missed it? Oh, right. Because she was fucking his best friend behind his back - and he folded his arms over his chest. "What's with you? You keep brushing me off."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she immediately retorted, proving him right. His deadpan and disbelieving stare caught her off-guard, so she looked away and held her arms close to her stomach, protecting herself. "I just don't want to go to my bed yet."

_Because I want to be in Zuko's. But I know it's wrong._

"Katara, that's not what I'm trying to imply," he replied with that suggestive tone again as he leaned close, as if to kiss her. Katara took a hesitant step back and he cursed under his breath. "What is this? We used to touch and get intimate, and now you won't even look at me!"

"Aang-"

"I'm nineteen, dammit!" he continued as he stomped over to the railing and looked out towards the city. "I'd like to have sex with my girlfriend of almost seven years. We used to do more intimate things, but for months now you've been brushing me off!"

_Because I've been fucking Zuko and he's been enough for me._

Her stomach churned with the poison - or was it the wine she gulped down endlessly as Zuko undressed her with his eyes? - and she fought the tears stinging in her eyes. "It's not you, I promise. It's me. I just... have some questions and need some answers."

_It's a little bit of Zuko, too. He loves and understands me in ways you can't. He completes me in ways that you leave me empty. He-_

"Are you getting those answers with Zuko?" He cut into her thoughts as if he read them. When her voice was too stunned to return to her, Aang turned back to her and met her tear-filled eyes. "Am I wrong?"

"It's not him," Katara forced herself to reply. A blink and a tear fell.  _It's always him. It will always be him._ "I've... I don't know, Aang. I've been feeling different lately. I can't... Explain it. I need to figure some things out."

Aang shook his head, disappointed, and he shoved off of the railing. "I don't believe you. I'm turning in for the night. Come find me when you've decided to stop being ridiculous."

Without letting her explain herself further, he walked away and through the curtain. The darkness washed over her again and she finally sucked in a breath for the first time since she and Zuko stepped out onto the balcony together. Along with the air was her grief and guilt, squeezing her lungs until she was gasping and pressing herself to the side of the palace as she tried to breathe.

Her eyes drifted up to the high tower in which Zuko would be waiting for her, and her heart cracked like fragile ice. A thick swallow followed by a shuddering gasp spurred her forward, moved her through the remaining party-goers and to the unused halls that were her entrance to the secret passages that led her upstairs to Zuko.

To the goblet full of her addictive poison.

* * *

There was no expecting her tears.

She came hard, trembling and crying out as she rode his cock like he was a komodo rhino, and when he came right after with a stuttered gasp she collapsed against his chest. For a moment, he thought her shaking was leftover from her orgasm, but when he felt wetness drip onto his chest and heard a muffled sniffle, his heart twisted painfully and he held her arms lightly.

"Katara?"

She shook her head, letting out a sob, and he wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry. They laid together, the sounds of her quiet tears practically echoing around his silent room. A churning ache settled deep in his stomach, washing away the bliss of the orgasm he had not moments before. Yet he held her as she cried, letting her tears crash against his heated skin and trail down until they reached his neck.

They choked him like a noose.

By the time she settled down and her misery became silent, the moon had moved enough in the sky to illuminate her prone form draped over his. To an outsider, they would have looked like an enamored couple, lost in each other and incapable of being apart, even in sleep. But Zuko knew to see this for what it truly was: an affair that was poisoning them both beyond repair.

Katara sat up, her body stiffly moving so she was completely upright above him. She wiped her tears away with the heel of her hand, then averted her eyes as she bent their fluids from her center to the potted plant next to his bathroom. The soft light coming in from his window put a spotlight on her naked body, but Zuko couldn't find the will to truly appreciate her form, not when her red-rimmed eyes looked at him with such pitiful despair that Zuko thought his own heart would break on her behalf.

"Zuko, what are we doing?"

His hands tightened on the tops of her thighs. But he said nothing. She knew what she meant to him, she knew it since she came to him after the banquet two years ago, drunk on the famous spirit of his country, and invited him to drink with her alone on the balcony near her room. She was the one who kissed him first, opening the floodgate of his love for her. She was the one who refused to break up with Aang, yet still come to Zuko's room at night and fuck him to her heart's desire. She was the one who insisted on keeping this a secret.

She was the one who was breaking.

"You tell me, Katara."

Her chin dropped, yet he could still see fresh tears spring out of her eyes. "I think Aang knows something's up with us..."

Zuko sat up and settled her more comfortably between his now-folded legs. Concern filled him, not for their possibly-discovered relationship but for her aching heart and the way her voice seemed to leave her as she told him of such. "What do you mean?"

He tried not to let his sudden panic seep into his voice.

She carted her gaze to the window and took in a deep, unsteady breath. "Tonight after you left, he wanted to take me back to my room. I declined, but I think he knows we've been drifting apart for a while. And that he thinks I've been going to you."

Despite the seriousness of the conversation, the fact that they were both naked and she was straddling his hips made Zuko arch his one eyebrow wryly. Katara sighed and added on, "He and I have never slept together, but we did do some things in the past. Since we came back for this session, I haven't because I've..."

"Been coming to me instead," Zuko finished for her, his shoulders falling. "But we were sleeping together before that, anyway."

Katara shrugged and hugged herself. Zuko tried to fight the urge to pull her close to his chest and keep her safe. "It's just... I stopped indulging him. He wanted to go all the way, but I didn't want to. Not with him. I never have."

Zuko mulled it over for a long moment, rolling his words on his tongue before he decided to say, "Well, regardless of  _this-_ " He gestured to their naked bodies, causing her to blush slightly, "- I think you would still come to me. We  _are_ best friends. Even if  _this_  wasn't happening, I would try to help you."

She met his eyes and her lower lip wobbled ever-so-slightly. "Why are you so good to me?"

He stayed silent, because she knew the answer.

He really wanted to tell her that he wanted to make her happy, and that if she wanted something he would cross the world to make sure she had it. And he thought that  _this_ was what she wanted, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that it was no longer the case.

Instead, he kissed her gently on the lips - the softest he ever has done - and he whispered, "If you want to stop this, I won't try to convince you otherwise."

Katara's tears began anew and she pressed her face to his neck as she cried. The noose that had loosened was now tighter than ever, suffocating him even after she redressed and left his room for the last time.

* * *

Dinner was a quiet affair, the sounds of chopsticks hitting bowls and sips of drinks seeming to echo around the entire room. Katara had wanted to dine alone in her room for their last night in the Fire Nation - mostly to avoid Zuko - but Iroh had insisted they all sit down and enjoy the last meal together. She could never resist the old general's charms, so she and Aang showed up in the smaller dining hall in the Southern Wing and sat with Zuko, Iroh, and Xing Ying, who was set to leave for Yu Dao in the morning, as well.

Katara tried not to meet the Fire Lord's eyes as she sat next to Aang and began plucking at the food in her bowl.

She had been purposefully avoiding him since the night of the banquet, and she was certain he knew it. Any time he requested her presence, she was conveniently busy with something else. Every time she heard him and his retinue come down the hall, she ducked into the closed room or alcove and hid until they all passed.

It was a starting to get exhausting, avoiding him like this, but she knew it had to be done one way or another. After Aang's accusations the night of the banquet and her denials, followed by her quick betrayal of his trust and love in Zuko's bed, she decided it was time she stopped this charade and end things with Zuko.

The problem was, Katara was certain she was in love with him but her sense of duty to Aang outweighed her own feelings. As it always had.

And that was what spurred her on to make her decision. Zuko couldn't be held in limbo anymore, stuck in the role as the other man, and Aang couldn't be deceived anymore. She needed to commit to one and there was only one who wouldn't cause an international incident by marrying.

Unfortunately it meant breaking Zuko's heart, and the thought alone broke hers in half.

He was sending glances at her the whole dinner, even as he conversed with Iroh or Aang. But she refused to meet his eyes. Her appetite had failed, all the food tasting like dirt on her dry tongue, and the wine was too tart and failed to quench her desperate thirst. Her stomach was plummeted to the floor as her heart felt like it was filling with sand. A dull ache planted itself behind her eyes - a promise of tears and anguish - and she did her best not to crack. Not yet. Not until it was over and she could mourn the great love that she had to cast away.

"That meal was wonderful, as always!" Iroh beamed as he leaned back and patted his belly. He grinned at Zuko before lifting up his sake cup. "Good choice with the curry komodo chicken, nephew."

It was then that Katara met Zuko's eyes as he smiled at her and Aang. Well, mostly her. "Anything for my most esteemed guests."

"That curry  _was_ pretty good with those vegetables and rice," Aang commented as he took a swig of water. "Very spicy."

"Just how I like it," Zuko remarked when he met her gaze again. She tried to fight the blush that threatened to blossom on her cheeks. She was well-aware of his affinity to spicy things. In fact, a warm chocolate sauce that he once licked off of her naked body had been spiced with some sort of pepper powder, which had made her pussy tingle when his sticky lips latched onto it.

Katara swallowed thickly and averted her gaze to her cup. After quickly taking a drink, she took a deep breath and quietly excused herself. After a brief glance to Zuko and a quick kiss with Aang, she stood and exited the dining hall.

She knew he would be right behind her.

The walk to her bedroom was quiet, save for her beating heart in her ears. Her fingers wrung together nervously, almost raw by the time she reached the long hallway that led to her room. She paused right in front of a hidden balcony, the same one where she and Zuko first started their affair. The taste of spiced whiskey lingered on the back of her mouth, her body remembering how nervous yet sure he had been then.

 _"You do so well," he bemoaned before he took another swig. His voice was starting to sway. "I just..._ try  _and they all want me dead. You just look at them and they fall on their knees in awe."_

_"You're selling yourself short," she replied as he handed her the bottle. "Your people respect you, Zuko. They see you as approachable and they love you for it. Those old gas bags are just mad you stopped their war profiteering and overthrew the rebel group they had been funding. Tell me again why they are still on your council?"_

_Zuko sighed and leaned against the pillar. "Because shutting them all out is excuse for rebellion. No stability and no checks in place mean I have too much power. And there's not enough interest from the younger nobility because they're still biased by their upbringing."_

_"I say stuff 'em," Katara snorted. "Show 'em who's boss by lighting the tails of their robes on fire. They won't go behind your back if threaten their pricey clothes."_

_Zuko laughed - actually_ laughed  _\- and she joined him with light giggles of her own._ _She was starting to feel warm and tingly from all the alcohol. Her head lolled to the side and she looked at Zuko's unmarred profile. Had he always been this handsome? Maybe it was the light... The moon was particularly large and full tonight._

_No, Zuko had always been attractive. More so now because of the flush to his cheeks and the contemplative smile on his face as his laughter faded and he met her eyes. And the light. Oh yes, he looked divine in the moonlight. The inklings of attraction she always had towards him were starting to spread, warming her limbs like the alcohol she was sharing with him. Her stomach did a strange flip as it tightened in some strange anticipation at that thought. They shared a bottle of fire-whiskey, their tongues swiping the same amber liquid from the glass._

_Her heart fluttered and she did the unexpected: she kissed him._

_His eyes widened comically, out of shock really, before he quickly hummed and dropped the bottle to the side - the vague sound of clattering glass and spilling liquid getting carried away by the breeze - so he could wrap his arms around her waist. Her head spun as he pulled her close, the rush and warmth spreading through her veins with every thrumming heartbeat that mimed his. He tasted like the spices of the liquor, and of smoke and citrus, and her tongue took in his flavor like a starving woman._

Katara sighed and stepped onto the balcony. The curtain fell, blocking her from plain sight, and she leaned over the edge of the railing to look out towards the city proper. The lights looked like thousands of stars, dim and twinkling in the inky night sky that was Caldera. She sighed and glanced over her shoulder to the stain on the stone, a faint reminder of her night here with Zuko, and the many nights that followed it.

Her heart ached for the loss of something so great.

"Katara?"

Her eyes snapped up to the man of her thoughts, peaking through the curtain and at her. He was still wearing all of his Fire Lord regalia, the perfect picture of a leader even down to the stitching in his clothing. A king she was not permitted to love, but did so anyway.

She turned away so he couldn't see her tears. There was no avoiding him completely here, not in the respite that had founded their trysts.

This needed to end before it hurt her any more.

"Are you alright?"

Katara shook her head and wrapped her arms around her torso. "We need to talk."

"Can you at least look at me?"

She shook her head again and bit her lip. "Aang and I are leaving tomorrow morning."

"I know." The sound of him shifting was deafening in her ears. "That's why we had dinner tonight. Though I don't understand why it's the first time I've seen you in days. Did I do something to upset you?"

"No," she replied softly. She couldn't bring herself to turn and look him in the eyes, so she settled on staring at the arena in the distance where he had solidified his claim as Fire Lord all those years ago. "It's just... I've been thinking a lot, about us. And... I think it's time we stop what we've been doing."

Katara heard his sharp intake of breath, the way it seemed to pierce through his own heart. "What brought this on?"

His tone was surprisingly calm given the circumstances.

"Aang and I are leaving for the South Pole," she repeated, mostly for herself. "I've been by his side for eight years now, and he wants to settle down, I know he does. I can't keep lying to him, Zuko. And I can't break his heart. Besides, it's better this way."

"Why?" His voice was now akin to a croak. Her stomach twisted and her heart pressed against her chest in a despairing tattoo.

"Because there's nothing we can gain out of this except pain," she tried to reason. She knew it was wrong, because she loved him oh so much, but Aang needed her more. She had to keep reminding herself of that. "Your people will never accept me as Fire Lady, and Aang would never want to work with the Fire Nation again should he be made aware of the nature of our relationship. The peace we worked so hard for is already fragile enough as it is, and having an enemy in the Avatar will be a hundred steps back. I can't risk peace on earth if it only means I get to be with you."

"We've talked about this before, Katara." The way his voice cracked on her name made a sob lodge itself in her throat. He was still deceptively calm despite his tiny changes in his voice that she could detect. "The fires of war need to be soothed with water. Who better than you to take on that task by my side?"

"I don't want to be a tool," she stated back, her own voice wavering. "I understand I would have all the ability to help people around the world in that position, but only if I am accepted. I can't be Fire Lady if your people don't want me, and I don't want to cause an international incident because we pissed off the Avatar."

It was a fight they had more than once, more so recently. She never had said she didn't want to be with him, just that their circumstances disallowed it. He was the King of the Fire Nation, and she the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador and girlfriend to the Avatar. Too much was at stake just to slake their lust and live in their own little love story. She knew it when she first slipped into his bed, he knew it when she first left that very same night.

It was not worth the turmoil just to be together. Her pain now was testament to that fact.

"I'll submit my resignation as the ambassador and while I'm home I'll see if Sokka would like to take the position in my stead-"

"Wait, Katara, let's not be hasty about this-"

"Please," she whispered, unable to fight her tears. They crashed onto her arms with roaring finality. "This has to end."

He was quiet as she cried, though she tried to hide them from him. He did not come to her and fight like she thought he would, keeping his promise he made the last time she warmed his sheets. He didn't yell and set things on fire and declare his love to her with such ferocity that it would shock her heart into beating with love again. He didn't kiss away her tears and say he would love her no matter what.

He didn't even fight.

And even through all of her struggle and resolve to say this to him, all Katara wished for was for Zuko to hold her as she kept her back to him and wept over their lost love.

* * *

Something festered under his skin, burning like an infection through his heart. His dismay had to be clear on his face, yet she wouldn't see it when her back was still to him. He wanted to reach out and hold her, to beg and plead for her to change her mind, but he knew it would be futile. Aang always was first, no matter the intensity of Katara's feelings for Zuko. And though he could see how her back curled in on itself and hear her ragged breathing, he knew that she knew it, too. He wouldn't let her see how much her words hurt him, because it wouldn't change her mind.

With a resolute sigh, Zuko schooled his face, bowed, and said in a tight voice, "Very well. If that is your wish, I shall honor it."

He did not wait for her to turn around and reply. Instead, he spun on his heels and marched all the way back to his room in the highest tower. His legs were aching with strain and his lungs were screaming by the time he reached the hall that housed his quarters, but he never stopped. The guards stood at attention when he briskly passed and he could hear their concerned murmurs as he stepped into the place that had once been his and Katara's sanctuary. It wasn't until he closed his door and pressed his back to the wood that he gasped in a shattered breath and clutched his chest, where the poison finally decided to settled in the hollow where his heart used to be.

It burned.

With a growl of anguish, he ripped his  _blasted_ crown from his hair and let his top knot fall as he clenched the golden flame against his chest. He slid down the wood - its rough grains scratching against the mantle of his  _uniform_ \- and let out another gasp as an unbidden tear sprang out of his good eye. He sat there long enough, his breathing haggard and pained, until the sun's light had completely disappeared from sight. The moon would not rise tonight, and he would be left in the dark until he decided to tear himself off of the floor and light the sconces on his wall.

But he couldn't do it.

His heart was still beating unevenly in his chest and his stomach felt like it would upend itself any second. His throat was swollen with the tears he refused to shed on her behalf, yet his hand was weeping from how hard he clenched his crown.

The blood dripped to the old floors in time with his shuddering breaths.

This was all his fault. He succumbed to his baser emotions, letting himself love this obtainable woman despite knowing it would never work in his favor. His station as Fire Lord and her status as the Avatar's  _F_ _orever Girl_ prohibited either of them from being entirely happy with each other. Though Zuko knew Katara loved him more than Aang, it would never be enough. Her  _real_ love was reserved for the world's savior, not the pariah of the war left to clean up the messes his ancestors created.

Zuko belonged on the floor with a broken heart while she soared into the sky with the physical embodiment of a god.

Why did he even feel surprised? Katara had been crying the last time they made love, torn by Aang's accusations and her internal crisis over doing the right thing. She had always thought being with Aang was the right thing, but she never denied her inner desires by going to Zuko. And she had made it clear that she was never leaving him, only she wanted to  _feel_ something outside of the purity she was expected to at Aang's side.

Only Zuko was too ignorant and blind to see that she had just been using him. She knew he loved her. He made that clear the day the sky was red, but it would never be enough. And now he was on the floor, bleeding from his heart as much as he was from his hand.

He didn't even rise from his place until a knock came to his door during the pale hours of the morning.

"Fire Lord Zuko?"

He blinked away the dryness in his eyes, his tears never shed, and croaked, "Yes?"

A pause, likely in surprise at Zuko's proximity to the door. "Avatar Aang and Master Katara are about to depart. Will you be seeing them off, my Lord?"

Zuko looked down to the crown clenched in his hand, how his blood dried against the gold and his reflection glared back at him, half blocked by the dark stains. His breathing was sharp again when he met his own sunken eye and he swallowed thickly. "No. We have already exchanged farewells."

"Very well, Your Majesty."

The sound of retreating footsteps, though faint, echoed dully in his ears until it completely vanished. Silence stretched on and Zuko felt a dry sob clutch at his chest. A clattering noise filled his ears - his crown hitting the floor - and he took in another shaky breath to soothe the burn in his lungs. An ache fell swiftly into his bones, leaving an exhaustion he shouldn't have felt at his young age. He left his crown on the floor as he went to stand, groaning as he did, and he stumbled to the window that overlooked the main courtyard below. Immediately, he was met with the sight of Appa, who's saddle was secured into place and was currently being loaded with two bags. Even from this distance, Zuko could see Aang conversing with a servant - likely the one who had come for Zuko - and shake his head before walking away.

His eyes then went straight to Katara, who was sitting on Appa's front paw on the opposite side of the palace entrance. The ache in his chest wept and he felt himself wilting at the sight of her.

His heart broke a little more when Aang helped her to her feet and swept her into a kiss.

Zuko tried not to let his stomach roll and went to close the curtains, unable to watch them anymore. But he stopped when the kiss broke and he noticed Katara look up in his direction. He imagined holding her gaze, letting her see what pain she had caused him. He imagined her heart aching as much as his, despite her choice, and her eyes crying more when she saw his agony. He wanted her to feel pain, so she would understand what she had done to him. To know what kind of mistake it had been.

However, his heart stilled when she lifted her hand and placed it over the space above her heart.

What he had always done to her before they parted.

The shattered pieces of his heart clattered next to his crown on the floor. Because now, even from this distance, he could see the yellow band that replaced her typical blue one wrapped possessively around her neck.

* * *

Her tears were blown away by whipping winds, dried before they even spilled over her cheek. Aang did not notice, too lost in his euphoria of finally claiming her as his. As the winds turned colder, so did her heart. It felt frozen in her chest, crying out in ways she could not. All she could think of was Zuko's sharp breath when she broke his heart, and the way she knew he was staring at her with fractured eyes when she left his home with Aang.

How could he not, when immediately after Zuko left her balcony and fled to his own room, Katara found Aang and he proposed to her?

She couldn't say no. Not when she cut off the last thing that would hold her back from fulfilling her duty to him.

She loved him, truly, but not like she loved Zuko. Aang was safe, Aang was adoring and kind. Aang had changed her life by merely floating to the top of the icy waters she called home because she had bent an iceberg. Zuko came crashing into her home with fire and ash on his tongue.

But he wasn't that boy anymore. And neither was Aang.

Zuko was everything Aang was except safe. Katara was free to love Aang without objection, if she loved Zuko people would want to kill them both for the rest of their lives. It wasn't fair to either of them to succumb to the baser of feelings and let the world burn because of it.

But Zuko was passionate and comforting, respectful and challenging in a way that made her a better person. She knew she did the same to him in turn, making him resolute and reliable whereas Aang was flighty and fickle. And Zuko was warm, in the ways of his heart and his mind and his very soul.

Oh, how she missed his warmth.

"We're almost to the Patola Mountains," Aang called back to her. "Let's stop at the Southern Air Temple before going back to the South Pole."

"Alright, Aang." Her voice sounded too broken for a woman who was set to marry the love of her life.

Aang must have noticed, because he looked back at her completely before floating from Appa's head to her side. "Is everything okay?"

Katara nodded, yet averted her eyes. "I'm just tired."

His hand felt light -  _too light_  - on her heavy shoulders. "It's unwise to let things fester. It eats at your spirit."

"It's fine, Aang." Her fingers curled into the fabric around her stomach, clammy and stiff. Her pain was palpable now, thick and hard between her knuckles and beating hard in the tips of her thumbs. It ached deep down, deeper than her bones, and she figured he was right. Her pain was eating at her very soul, which she may have just left in the Fire Nation with the shambles of her heart.

His fingers pressed her chin up and she met his eyes. "Please, tell me if something's wrong. Maybe I can help."

"I'm not sure you can," she croaked.

Aang's eyes darted to the necklace he made for her and she fought the urge to claw it away. It was too heavy, too rough, but the stone itself was immaculate and beautiful. Opal, she realized when he presented it to her, but unfamiliar. She had never wanted to take off her mother's necklace, but her brokenness from destroying Zuko and the eager look in Aang's stormy eyes made her pull it off and set it down on her dresser.

Where she left it for Zuko to find.

Her heart crawled into her throat and another unbidden tear fell.

Aang's eyes widened and he quickly wrapped his arms around her in a fierce hug. "What is it, sweetie? Please tell me."

She shook her head, but clung to him like a barnacle on a ship. His smell was familiar and welcoming - the distinct and crisp smell of fall lingering on the thick robes of his people - and yet it did not settle her the way spice and citrus did when it came off of Zuko. Her tears began anew, falling rapidly now as she let out a sob and pushed Aang away.

He at least had some decency to order Appa to land somewhere, which took enough time for her to stop her blubbering and get her breathing to calm.

Aang's hands were too light, too unsure on her shoulders, and all it did was remind her of the strong and certain hands that would hold her as she cried in the pleasured way, that would press themselves to her spine in reverence while the hands touching her now acted as if she was glass, ready to break with too much pressure.

But wasn't she already?

"I'm sorry!" she gasped between her sobs. Aang still did not hold her the way she needed. Her whole body hurt, her cries were shaking her to her roots and breaking her foundation with every tear.

"Why are you sorry?" Aang asked, naive and small.

Katara met his cloudy eyes, the same eyes that shrouded the suns she had come to love, and she wept as she shook her head. "I-I shouldn't h-have left! I m-made a huge mis-stake!"

The Avatar actually looked confused. "Katara, you have to go to the South Pole to report. Though, I am glad you decided to resign as the ambassador. Now we can travel the world together again, just you and me, and let everyone know we're getting married."

Her heart burst in pain and her body retched. Her sobs were uncontrollable now, flooding out of her in something akin to relief. It wasn't though. She would never be rid of this pain, this regret, this guilt. She would never be able to survive a marriage to Aang if she still had these lingering doubts, this lingering love for the man she decided to destroy.

After a long while, Katara finally managed to calm herself and wipe her tears away from her face. "No, Aang... I... We can't get married."

It looked like the very life was immediately sucked out of Aang's eyes. "What?"

Katara looked to her lap, where her tears had crashed and stained her parka. "I'm sorry... But we can't get married."

"Why not?" His voice was small, and Katara looked up to see the storm clouds start to form in his gaze. What kind of person was she, breaking two men in a matter of days? She was truly cursed. Maybe she should have let herself drown at the bottom of the ocean, where her wretched hands could not rip out anymore hearts. Zuko would never forgive her, and Aang likely wouldn't either.

Her hands bruised more than they healed nowadays.

Steeling herself the best she could, Katara sniffed and said, "I promise, it's nothing you did, Aang. When you proposed, I was just so overwhelmed, I didn't think too much about what the future would hold if we were together. You and I, it would never work out in the end. You need someone who is willing to travel the world at your side as you do your duty as the Avatar. Someone who can devote all of their time and dreams to you instead of someone-"

"Cut the crap, Katara," Aang spat, the storm getting as dark as the one that revealed his reluctance as the Avatar. "Stop lying to me. It's been going on far too long."

"It's the truth!"

 _"Then why did you say 'yes?!'_ "

Katara's shoulders dropped and she sighed. He was too astute for her to deceive anymore. His anger, his betrayal, it was all just. She had deceived him, and he knew it. "I... I love you, Aang. But not in the way you need, not the way you deserve. I can't be - I can't be what you need in a partner, not when my heart lies elsewhere."

His shoulders sagged with hers, defeat clear as he searched her red eyes, and he sniffed before looking away. "Is it Zuko?"

She couldn't deny it as another tear decided to fall. "Yes, it is."

"How long?"

"Long enough."

He sighed and rubbed his face with tired and heavy hands. "Was I ever going to be your first choice?"

Katara raised her hand to the unfamiliar necklace that choked her and she rubbed the stone. "You were."

Aang looked up and his eyes went to the stone. "I guess I was... But I don't want to be if that means you're not happy."

Katara unclasped the necklace and let it gather in the palm of her hand on her lap. Aang rested his hand over hers and she cast him a small, watery smile. She chose not to make things worse by voicing her real thoughts, that she had been happy for a time but found better happiness with Zuko, but now she may have ruined that by breaking things off with him before they left the Fire Nation.

"I'm sorry I made you choose," Aang finally said, his voice cracking with wisdom that she knew she could never possess.

"I'm sorry that I had to," she replied. Her voice was more broken, because she knew it was true. She would never be able to ignore her attraction to Zuko, nor could she silence the love that had planted itself in her heart when he risked his life for hers. But it was unfair to Aang that she strung him along for so long under the guise of duty, when she knew deep down it was never worth it.

She didn't want to spend the rest of her life unhappy because of duty, not when she tasted the fruit of bliss and could never forget its flavor.

"Can you promise me something?" she found herself asking.

Aang took the necklace and tucked it into his robe, crying silently but nodding.

"Please don't blame Zuko," she asked, soft and unsure. She wouldn't fault him for it, but she didn't want the world to be thrown into chaos because of it. "I was the one who made the decisions about not breaking things off with either of you. He was adamant that I choose, but I couldn't. And I don't want you two to not be friends anymore because I was such a flaky floozy that just-"

"Katara," Aang cut in, sharp but soft at the same time. She met his eyes and he smiled, the storm long gone, and he took her hands again. "It's done."

She blinked a few times. "What?"

Aang shrugged and let her go. "I guess what I mean to say is, I'm not going to risk all that peace we worked for because you chose him over me... It'll be a while before I can really get over it, but I will. In time."

Unbidden, more tears fell from her eyes. "You're a much better person than me."

He shook his head. "Am I? I made you feel like you had to sacrifice love over duty. I'm just as bad as the Northern Water Tribe. I shouldn't have ever made you feel like you had to choose between the two of us, even if it was unintentional."

"I was expecting more of a fight from you," Katara stated honestly.

Aang shrugged again and he sighed, "I guess I always knew I didn't have you completely. I should have known sooner, but I guess I was in denial."

Unbidden, Katara wrapped her arms around his fragile shoulders and hugged him tight. He returned the hug with equal fervor, perhaps with more desperation and heartbreak, but when they pulled apart he was smiling at her.

"So what now?"

Aang looked over his shoulder, where the clouds covering the mountains that housed the Southern Air Temple moved in the distance, and he sighed, "I guess you don't want to go to the Southern Air Temple with me?"

"I think it would be better if we just went to the South Pole," she remarked, causing Aang to turn around and a frown to crease his forehead. "I need to relay what the ambassadors discussed to my dad. I just need to go back to the Fire Nation instead of going to Yu Dao with you."

She looked behind herself, where the sun was setting over the ocean horizon, and she smiled as she murmured, "There's something I need to do."

* * *

A knife, poison dripping from its tip onto the floor.

A flame, shot to the heart of a would-be killer.

A sip of wine, to calm the nerves before calling for help.

A ribbon and pendant, dropping to the floor as his knees crashed down beside it.

A cry, of fear and surprise, and darkness encroaching around him as his heart started to slow.

Light, filtered and sterile like the air.

Pain, sharp and stinging in his veins like the poison of her love.

A muffled sound hit his ear - a shout, maybe? - and he could feel the faint sensation of someone shaking his arms. Another shout followed, then something icy trickled down his throat as pain erupted in his stomach where the knife had been thrust into him.

Then, there was silence.

His mind was adrift, lost in time and the darkness that had swept over him. Often, even before  _this,_ he would ponder over the meaning of life and the connection of the world to the Spirits, and their influence on fate and destiny. One could pick any fortune out of a stack, but they were meant to grab that specific one, no matter which one they grab. They were meant to grab it, regardless. Fate determined they grabbed that certain piece, even if they change their mind at the last second. It is set in stone; one can think they made the decision but fate determined that they were going to grab that one before time even became a tangible thing.

Just like him falling in love with Katara and her leaving him, their fate was sealed when they first existed.

Zuko thought this over and over again, knowing it to be true. Uncle Iroh would probably tell him he was being cynical, but he knew he was just being realistic. Their fates did not end together. It was his destiny to lead the Fire Nation to a new era of peace, and hers was to stay with the Avatar as he maintained balance to the rest of the world. The strings of their lives were meant to touch, but never mingle.

He had no choice in the matter. Fate was resolute. However, he knew his fate would let him choose her over and over, even if their endings were not the same.

His name was being called again, and a vague brightness swept over the darkness before going away again. A ringing noise now hummed in his ears, vibrating like the thready beat of his heart. He imagined blue, soothing away the frayed edges and making everything whole again. He thought of the sea, of the ocean, of her eyes. The blue lapped at him, the tide of healing pulsing back and forth in a rhythmic sway.

That chill returned, spreading down his throat and branching out through his veins until it settled in the hollows of his chest. It gripped his heart, a soft tug, but enough to calm its wavering beat.

As darkness soothed him to a drifting lull, he thought of her again. Of her hands, of her mouth. Of her body and her smile and her hair and glowing eyes as he pleasured her. Of her laughter and singing or moans and sighs. Of her bending and her hands, the hands that had healed him and brought him back to life. The hands that touched him with reverence and love.

The hands that crushed his soul.

He imagined them touching him again, sweeping away the poison she had left in him as well as the one that had been on that knife. He imagined her holding him and weeping when he didn't awaken from his weeks-long slumber, her declaring her love to him as tears fell and crashed against his cheek.

Zuko imagined her doing all of this as his uncle sat in the room with her, a tear falling out of his own eye in the process.

But it was all in his head. She would not mourn for him, not like this. Not when she was on the other side of the world with her knew fiance and no longer the ambassador for her people. She wouldn't willingly heal him when she had willingly broken him herself.

No woman was kind enough to fix the man she destroyed.

_Zuko..._

It had been an assassin. They snuck into his room, probably through the servant chambers that lead to the empty suite next to his, and tried to end him in his sleep. Except since Katara left the Fire Nation, he had not slept much. It had been years since insomnia had hit him so strongly, but it was not an unwelcome thing. He was able to spend his nights immersed in his work, or watching the moon pass through the sky, thinking of her as he fiddled with the necklace she left behind, just like she left him behind.

Or he would spend that time remembering how the moon's light touched her with silvery fingers he wished were his own.

He heard the first footstep, then the second, and he quickly attacked. The assailant was wearing a zukin, though the brown eyes reflected the moon's light and he could see the emptiness of their soul as they swiped and thrust towards him with a damp knife.

A glint of blue against the silver surface fractured his focus and it proved to be his undoing. Thrust into his stomach and quickly retracted, the knife glinted with his blood and another slick liquid that seemed to cling to the walls of his veins as it pumped towards his heart. Realization froze him like  _her_ ice and he stumbled back away from his would-be murderer.

_Please..._

An angry punch of his flaming fist proved to be the end to the silent killer's fight, and soon the stench of burning skin filled the room. Zuko would have gagged on the smell - its distinct funk reminiscent of an Agni Kai and salty tears - but his focus was on the hand cupping his stomach and the blood that spilled between his fingers. While still holding the necklace, his other hand drifted over to his nightstand, where a goblet of wine had been waiting for him, and he shakily lifted it to his lips.

The flavor was heavy and sweet,  _her_ favorite blend, and it stuck to the walls of his throat as he swallowed it and dropped the cup to the ground.

The man had fallen to the floor as well, his chest burned and blistering from the white-hot fire that had hit him squarely. Though his breath still escaped his lips through the thick cloth that covered his face. Zuko had stepped over him and stumbled to the door. It was flung open and he looked to the guards at the end of the hallway. They had not moved from their stations.

Must have been too quiet in the fight.

His voice cracked when he called for help, and their shouts of alarm sounded warped in his ears. As he fell to the floor, his vision darkened and more shouts filled his ears as more guards filed into the hall and others entered the room.

The darkness had taken him then, too overwhelming for him to fight. It had been sweet, the relief of sleep for the first time in almost a month, but it had been empty. Dreams and nightmares used to plague him, but now all he saw was black.

The occasional flicker of light - or blue, which he yearned for more than he would care to admit - would stir his consciousness, but typically he was lost in the void. Doused in the blackness that had enveloped his heart since she left him, Zuko was lost.

He wasn't sure if he was going to -

_Wake up..._

His consciousness flickered again, the sight of blue and ocean tears tickling his senses, and he fought. A struggle, sluggish limbs and blood trying to drag him back into the darkness. His brain was foggy, screaming for more rest, but his heart yearned for the blue.

For it knew who belonged to it.

A bustle around him alerted him, the noise like static in his ears. There was another shout, this of surprise, and he felt a pressure at the tips of his fingers. Sand coated his eyes, but he pushed them open with all the strength he could afford.

He had to see the blue.

Brightness -  _too much brightness_  - followed by a gasp and an order to dim the lights. As if responding to his breath, the lights lowered and his eyes could take them on. He focused, mostly on the lights themselves, before blinking away the blurriness and looking for the blue.

Red and gold in the chair by the door, eyeing him with love and worry, while blue suddenly overwhelmed him and arms were wrapping around his shoulders and neck with bruising force.

"Zuko!" her voice, velvet and warm, echoed in his ears. "Oh, by the Spirits! I'm so happy you're awake!"

He grunted when she squeezed again, and did his best to return her hug. However, his arms would not cooperate and he groaned as a sore pain rippled through him.

"Oh sorry!" she gasped as she pulled away and suddenly he was greeted with shining blue eyes. Her hand cupped his face, fingers grazing his scar, and she kissed him  _hard_ on the lips. If he hadn't yearned for her  _so_ much since she ended things with him and left, he would have pushed her away. If he wasn't so agonizingly tired, he would have turned his head away from her and shut her out.

But he couldn't ignore the ache in his chest that reminded him of their last meeting.

A throat clearing caused her to break away from him and he followed her gaze to the man sitting in the chair at the foot of his bed. Uncle's eyes glittered with amusement, but there was a veiled look that Zuko could only pinpoint as anger - but directed towards Katara.

"Now, I understand this is a wonderful occasion, but Fire Lord Zuko is still recovering. Perhaps we should refrain from kissing him so forcefully, yes?"

Zuko understood his intent, and apparently Katara did, as well. Her fingers left his face and she took a tiny step back. "Of course. Let me look him over and we can go from there."

"I'll fetch his physician," Iroh offered as he stood. His eyes met Zuko's and he gave him a knowing nod. "Nephew, we will talk once you're feeling better."

He stepped out of the room with a modicum of grace - Zuko suspected it was out of privacy more than him actually needing his doctor, considering Katara's competence. The angry look in his eyes, directly solely at her, could not have been because she had kissed him like that while he was waking up.

No, he must have known.

"Katara," he managed to croak, breaking her out of her stupor and causing her to whirl around to meet his gaze.

"Oh, Zuko," she murmured as she sat and took his hand between hers. "I'm sorry-"

"For me getting hurt or you leaving me?" he found himself replying, despite his exhaustion and gravelly voice.

Katara had the audacity to look ashamed as she cast her gaze away. "Both."

His eyes darted to her neck and his breath stopped when there was no yellow in sight. He tore his hand away from hers and reached up to rub his thumb against the familiar blue fabric he had grown to love seeing wrapped around her throat. Her breath caught and nervous fingers flew up to fiddle with the pendant he had memorized with the tips of his fingers years ago.

"How long?"

"You've been unconscious for a little over a week now," she replied evenly, though that wasn't what he wanted her to answer. "By the time I had gotten back here, it was a day after the attack. Since the healers already administered an antidote, there wasn't much I could do in terms of countering the poison. But I healed the wound and did my best to cleanse your blood, but since its a new moon I'm not at my strongest-"

"I meant your necklace," he cut in softly. Her fingers fiddled with the pendant again and he closed his hand over them. She met his eyes again and he said, "I saw you leave. You left this one here."

She looked to her lap and sighed, "It was by your hand after you were found after the attack. Iroh told me that if the assassin wasn't in your room, they would have suspected me of being your attacker solely on that. He had to lie and say the attacker had it and you took it back because it had been stolen off of me before I left the Fire Nation."

His eyes dropped to the pendant and saw a speck of brown flaking off of one of the waves engraved in the stone. He sighed and turned his head away from her, choosing to look out the window to his left. "Uncle is very clever."

"Did he know?"

"He may have," Zuko replied honestly. He was starting to feel a little dizzy. "I never told him, though, so he would have figured it out on his own."

He looked back at her and added, "But you just confirmed it by kissing me just now. What would Aang think if this got out?"

He didn't mean to sound bitter, but he was tired and ached everywhere, most especially his heart. He just wanted to close his eyes and go back to sleep and have this woman leave him alone. Her grip on his heart tightened when she met his eyes with a pitifully proud look.

"He wouldn't care," she stated evenly. "We're no longer together."

Zuko ignored the flutter of hope that tried to take flight in his chest. He stomped it down with his cynicism. "So you came crawling back? I'm glad you've decided to be with your second choice."

Anger flared on her face. Good. Let her feel the same pain he felt.

"How dare you?" she hissed. "I wasn't expecting a warm welcome but at least thank me. I saved your life."

He sneered and pulled himself to a sitting position. He stubbornly ignored the sharp pain in his stomach - and the way her concerned eyes flickered to it before going back to his - and he spat, "You can't just come strolling back here, kissing me as if nothing has changed, after you broke my heart. And guessing by the fact that the Avatar's betrothal necklace is no longer on your neck I can only guess you broke his, too."

She had the audacity to let tears drop from her narrowed eyes, yet the anger did not leave her gaze.

But he wasn't done. "And then kissing me in front of Uncle? Are you desperate to be judged for your actions? Thank you for saving my life,  _Katara_ , but I don't want you in my country. Go back home."

Katara stared at him resolutely, her tears still falling despite the stern look on her face. "No."

His scowl pulled at the rigid skin of his scar and he said, "I told you to leave."

"No," she repeated. "I left you once. I'm never leaving you again."

"You've left me more than once," he countered with that bitter tone he came to resent. As he looked away, she took his hand and wove their fingers together. He didn't fight it, but he told himself it was because he was still weak from the poison.

Both of them.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I can ever say it enough, but I am. I made a mistake, several of them, and you got hurt because of it. You don't have to forgive me - Spirits, I don't even think I deserve your forgiveness - but I do want you to know that I love you."

His breath caught and the ache in his chest throbbed.

"I always have, and I always will." Katara's breath shook and she squeezed his hand tightly. Zuko looked back at her and watched as she rested her free hand above her heart, just as she had done before she took off on Appa, just like he would before she left him. "Just... I want you to know how sorry I am."

Their eyes met and he swallowed. He had every right to be angry, to hate her and scorn her for making him the other man and the second choice. He was completely capable, after the pain and sadness left his hollow chest it was all he was able to feel. But seeing her like this, no longer marked by the duty she had felt obligated to before, so sad and regretful, it made some of the ache lessen.

But not all of it.

"I need time," he finally said, his voice hoarse with his emotions. His hands and voice shook as he continued, "I don't -" He cut himself off and took a steadying breath. "... I  _can't_  love you right now. Just give me time."

She nodded and her hand lowered from her chest. "I can give you that."

With that, Katara stood and bowed at him slightly before making her way to the door. He watched her walk away, her steps speaking of promise instead of guilt, and his breath came out in a staggered exhale. Something loosened in his chest while tightening all at the same time, a flutter followed by an ache that was soothed with the smile she cast to him from the doorway.

Just as she was opening the door and started turning away, Zuko clutched the sheets pooled in his lap and called out, "Katara?"

She looked back at him, her eyebrows high with curiosity, and he swallowed before saying, "I won't give you a necklace."

Katara's face fell slightly, as if she expected that but also felt the disappointment of rejection.

So he tried his best to smile as he said, "We don't exchange necklaces in the Fire Nation. It'll be a ring."

Realization slowly dawned on her face, slow and beautiful, and he tried his hardest not to go to her and kiss her like he wanted to when he proposed. This wasn't a proposal, but a promise. One day, he would be able to love her like he did. Zuko would be able to love Katara with the certainty and strength needed for a marriage that would last until his dying breath.

No, it was a promise. That one day he would love her again.

* * *

**_fin._ **


End file.
